It sounds weird but I noticed this energy between my hands and it's lead me on a year and half long journey of discovery. It started one night when I placed my hands in front of me facing each other. I felt something that I can only describe as a magnetic attraction and repulsion between the palms of my hands. Since then it's grown or at least my awareness of it has grown. At times I felt as if I lost my mind, at times I felt as if I was alone and at other times I felt more connected than I've ever been. I don't know what it is but I know it's there, at least to me, and that's what matters. I've found others online that have felt something similar so I just wanted a place so if you have experienced something like this you don't feel alone, because you aren't. I thought I'd share some of my past experiences and journal some new ones.
What is it?
I haven't been able to label what it actually is and I don't think I can or ever will. I think it just is and I don't think it needs to be anything except what it is. I started the journey trying to figure out what it could be and I had to know everything about it so I could justify and prove what I had been experiencing was real. I had to prove it to myself so I could prove it to others. That path of discovery only lead me to new questions and roads that seem like they could go on forever. Every time I felt like I knew what it was it became what I thought and more. I haven't given up trying to figure it out but I have let go of needing to figure it out. I think there is a big difference between giving up and letting go. I don't think I could ever give up on it because there isn't anything to give up...it will always be there. I can let go of the need to completely understand what and why it is. Trying to figure out what it is could take you to an infinite number of answers which could drive you mad by trying to believe that there is only one truth. When you are able to see that what it is and why it is can be more than one thing, that it could have multiple purposes, then you will be able to see that by trying to define it you only lessen it and restrict it's true potential. Don't let your journey of discovery be dictated by your need to know that there is only one truth when it is more than likely there are an infinite amount of truths. Let your journey be a journey to enjoy each truth and then it will be an infinite journey because you haven't created a place for it to end in your mind. If you don't see an end then you won't need to worry about an end so enjoy it now and everyday instead of at only one point you imagine in time. By having the need to figure it out you create one particular moment that you think will be your defining moment, the moment where everything falls into place. The truth is when that moment happens it will pass in that moment it happens..then the truth you thought was real will have come and gone, everything will fall into place and it will then continue to fall. What you thought should fill you up and make you complete will only lead to a new question...what now? How many times can you say "what now?" and keep believing that the next answer will be "the" answer. What I have discovered is that path I had been on, searching for an ultimate truth is never ending and in fact insanity. When you step away from your need to know and change your mind set to just knowing the pressure of time is eliminated and there will be no one particular moment that will define you. Every moment will collectively define you, and if that is the case you will never fully be defined because there are no more individual moments that define us there is just one moment, now. If you believe infinite life is only an idea, then what is an idea, an idea is only a thought, and what is a thought, a thought is what your reality is.